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Location: PDX, United States

Friday, March 28, 2008

Running Behind

I am running late on most things in my life lately, and especially the time to write or reflect on them.

I still can’t believe that I again have a new job, just when I had finally learned how to do the old one, and after only being at my last library a year and a half.

I already miss Rockwood. Somehow I doubt I’ll ever have another job where I can play Charlie’s Angels at work again.

If I’d had more than a few days to think about the job, I don’t know if I would have made the same decision. But I have been in overdrive mode for so long now that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

Switching jobs made me realize that it was time to bring Ray home. He’s been sitting on my desk in a little tin since June. I never meant to bring him to work. When I went to pick up his ashes at Dove Lewis, they had lost them. I still feel badly about my interaction with the receptionist that day. It wasn’t her fault someone had lost Ray. But finding out no one knew where the ashes of my 16 year old cat that I’d just spent five thousand dollars on and who died anyway didn’t put in a very rational state. I let the receptionist know exactly what I thought and felt about the situation.

When Ray was located a few hours later, she called to let me know they would Fed Ex him overnight to wherever I wanted and I thought it would be easier to just have him sent to work. I kept forgetting to bring him home. I think I just didn’t want him there, I didn’t want to deal with my own feelings, and then I felt guilty when I impulsively brought home the cat that had moved into the parking lot of the library. At first I thought I was just fostering him. I wish I’d named him a little more thoughtfully, but I didn’t think I was keeping him, I needed something to call him, and Pete came to mind, after all the Peter Pans I have ever dated. Since I think I’m done doing that now, Pete will be my last one.

I loved Ray’s intensity, but lately, I am really appreciating Pete’s lighter approach to life and especially his fondness for rubber bands. I have had more than enough drama in my life these past three years and I am ready to relax.

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