Bad Timing

To the cat that harasses me every time I leave the library:

I’m sorry if my initial interactions with you were misleading. You looked friendly, and I was a little lonely. It had been a couple of months since I pet a cat.

I’m sure you’re really great, other than you don’t listen to me when I tell you my heart is broken and that I can’t be your mom. I’m just not over Ray.

Sorry bud.

Found

On a table in the library, on a small purple piece of scrap paper:

King Christian
KAIZOKU
I feel like shit
I am shiny
RESURRECTED
I need some rum
Give me a PONY

While I Was Sleeping

Despite an ongoing struggle to get a good night's sleep, I often fall asleep in social situations. I can't count the number of times I've had people over for dinner, fallen asleep and woken up a few hours later to find them gone.

I am also skilled in sleeping through concerts. Back in high school, I fell asleep at a Butthole Surfers show and woke up maybe 20 minutes later to find them playing the same chord. More regrettably, I fell asleep when Nivana played my friend's birthday party back in the late 80's. I only woke up once they were done playing, when a friend of mine was taking my shoes off so that I might sleep more comforably.

I once slept through a Primus show. In own defense I will say that I never wanted to go in the first place. It's boy noise; to me, they just sound like a bunch of guys masterbating to the tune of their own egos. My boyfriend at the time was a huge fan of theirs and kept telling me I would change my mind about them if I saw them live. He bought me a ticket without even asking me if I wanted to go. We had several beers before the show, and that kind of sealed the deal. I felt the church nod coming almost as soon as they were on stage. I slept through the entire show, missing the drummer set his own drum kit on fire.

Once In A Blue Moon

Unexplainable strange things have been happening. I dreamed I was at a musical, the live premiere of a new Joss Whedon series. I usually don’t like musicals, but this one was great, full of good music and really smart writing.

I was rudely awakened from this dream when a Christian radio station suddenly turned itself on. I have never set the alarm on my Bose, and even if I had set it, that wouldn’t be a station I would choose.

I was annoyed to be wide awake in the middle of the night, a little creeped out, and irritated with myself for becoming increasingly superstitious until I realized that I had composed all the music and written the script of my dream musical. I felt like a genius and went back to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning, my legs itched. I looked down to discover over 20 fleas feasting on me. I never had fleas when I had pets, and now seems like an odd time to get them. They are aggressive little guys who are a lot more into me than I am into them. I set off some bombs this morning, and I hope they are dead by the time I get home from work.